Coach K crashes Dean Smith's party line

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Coach K crashes Dean Smith's party line

By Mary Paoletti
CSNNE.com

ESPN conference call on "Outside the Lines" to celebrate the legendary Dean Smith's 80th birthday. Bob Ley is the host. Ley welcomes in Roy Williams, George Karl and Matt Doherty.

Ley: It's a treat to have you all here. Let me begin by -- Hold on, I'm getting word that we've got a surprise visit on the line from Tyler Hansbrough! Of course, Tyler never played for Dean Smith and has had very limited contact with the former Tar Heels coach. They might have met after UNC won the 2009 National Championship; I honestly have no idea, but we here at the World Wide Leader have always had an emo crush on the kid, so, thanks for calling, Tyler!

Karl: ...Are you serious?

Doherty: You won your first title with my recruits, Roy.

Williams: Shut up, Matt. And Tyler, you need to move on, son.

Ley: Tyler? You there?

"Tyler Hansbrough" Sinister, nasal voice: Oh, I'm here. But this isn't Hansbrough, you fools.

Williams: Wait just a doggone minute; I know that voice. Krzyzewski, is that you, you stinkin' weasel?

Mike Krzyzewski: It is I.

Karl: Oh, for the love of... Look, I've got more important things to do than listen to this. Carmelo might be trying to call me to apologize right now so I can't be tying up the line. Hangs up

Ley: Well, gee, Coach K, if you wanted to send best wishes to Dean Smith on his birthday, you didn't have to use a fake name.
Williams: Man's a weasel.

Krzyzewski: Ley, you should narrate religious cartoons; you're too soft for sports. I wouldn't call what I have to say to Smith "best wishes."

Doherty: Come on, Mike. You passed him on the all-time wins list. You've won more tournament games. You've won more national championships. Just let the old man live in peace.

Krzyzewski: Matt Doherty: You disgraced the University of North Carolina. Your wins over my Duke Dynasty don't actually count because they went toward some of the Tar Heels' worst seasons in recent history. Southern Methodist is irrelevent; you are irrelevant. Go away.

Doherty: Sobs You're... evil. Hangs up

Krzyzewski: Especially nasally And then there were two.

Ley: Um. Back to the birthday... Roy... What does this day mean to Tar Heel nation?

Williams: Long pause Right. Okay. You walk outside and it's 80 degrees today, the sky is Carolina blue... it's a tribute to Coach Smith.

Krzyzewski: Cackles "The sky is Carolina blue"? Are you kidding me, Roy? How far is Dean's hand up your butt, you sad, sad little puppet? Oh, and Roy?

Williams: Another long pause Yeah?

Krzyzewski: Whispers Everybody in Kansas still hates you.

Ley: That's not true, Roy! Everybody loves you! Everybody loves everybody! We're all hap-hap-happy today!

Krzyzewski: SILENCE! I have something to say. The Duke University Blue Devils are going to be champions this season. And when we win the title -- and I am crowned Emperor of All Sports -- I am going to dedicate Duke's dominance to one Dean Smith. Then I will finally be free of The Double Standard. Happy 80th Birthday, you son of a bitch.
Williams: ...Emperor of All Sports? With the Plumlee boys?

Krzyzewski: Yes.

An awkward silence falls on the line

Ley: Okie dokie, then.

Another awkward silence

Krzyzewski: I'll see you on Saturday, Roy. 8 p.m. CBS. Brace your team of mortals for yet another defeat. Hangs up

Williams: That boy ain't right.

Ley: So, there you have it: Mike Krzyzewski wishes you a very, very Happy Birthday, Dean Smith. Here's to 80 more years!

Line goes dead

Saturday, Dec. 3: Vesey couldn't be happier with Rangers

Saturday, Dec. 3: Vesey couldn't be happier with Rangers

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading, while looking to avoid any and all updates on Kanye West. I’ve officially maxed out on my Kanye updates for the next four or five years. 

*Jimmy Vesey left a trail of broken hearts and hard feelings across the NHL this summer, but he’s happy in New York with the Rangers. 

*There is still a pathway for the NHL players to participate in the 2018 Winter Olympics, says FOH (Friend of Haggs) Chris Johnston, but I’m pretty skeptical about it and have been for a few years now. I just don’t see it happening in South Korea. 

*The New York Islanders are reportedly looking for a big name executive to take over their entire hockey operation. 

*Speaking of the Islanders, Alain Vigneault is using them as an example of parity in the NHL to motivate the Rangers.

*A big blow for the Detroit Red Wings as they’ve lost gritty forward Justin Abdelkader for the next few weeks. 

*Ottawa Senators GM Pierre Dorion is looking to add depth to their roster as the Sens appear in it to at least get a playoff spot this year. That is bad news for anybody that likes to watch, you know, entertaining hockey and stuff. 

*PHT writer and FOH (Friend of Haggs) Mike Halford says that the Colorado Avalanche core group has come under heavy scrutiny as they’re struggling again this season. 

*For something completely different: Saving the bees is a year-round job that everybody should be interested in based on their impact across the world. 

Beleskey knocked out of Bruins game with lower body injury

Beleskey knocked out of Bruins game with lower body injury

The Bruins have added another injury to their current collection of banged-up players. 

This time it’s scrappy left winger Matt Beleskey, who was knocked out of Saturday’s game in Buffalo in the first period with a check thrown at his lower body. Beleskey was hit with a body check targeting his right leg at center ice from Buffalo forward Tyler Fedun, and skated gingerly to the bench before eventually heading back to the dressing room. 

There was no penalty called on a borderline hit that seemed to be targeting Beleskey’s leg. The Bruins announced in the middle of the second period that he was done for the day with a lower body injury. Beleskey finished the day with three registered hits and was 1-for-2 in the faceoff circle with six shifts for 5:27 of ice time in the second period. 

The 28-year-old Beleskey had managed to stay pretty healthy this season to this point, but was underachieving a bit offensively with two goals and five points along with a minus-6 rating in 23 games this season.