Bruins should play nobody in playoffs!

Bruins should play nobody in playoffs!
March 28, 2011, 7:57 pm
Share This Post

By Jon Fucile

The Bruins officially clinched a playoff spot in Sundays win over the Filthadelphia Flyers and you would assume fans would be happy. Nope. Instead, theyre arguing about who the Bruins do NOT want to face. Yeah.

Pop on Twitter, Facebook, any Bruins message board, etc and youll see a bunch of this.

The Bruins dont want to face the Canadiens in the first round!

Boston definitely doesnt want to see the Rangers in the first round!

Ummm then who do they want to see? Youre kind of running out of playoff teams here.

Unfortunately for the Bruins and fans alike, they cant simply skip to the Stanley Cup Finals. They have to face SOMEONE in the first road.

If the Rangers and the stupid Canadiens are out, that leaves precious few options here Boston. Here are a few teams the Bruins might want to see in the playoffs.

Tampa Bay Lightning

They currently sit 5th in the Eastern Conference so depending on if they fall in the standings the Bruins might see them.

So why would the Bruins want to see Tampa Bay? Tampa Bay doesnt even have ice like ever so if the Bruins met them in the first round in April their players would be absolutely stunned by the hard slippery water on the playing surface that time of year.

Plus prior to the season everyone labeled Seguin as the next Stamkos without letting the kid even play one game. But if you notice Seguin wears 19 and Stamkos wears 91. Coincidence.or inside man for the Bruins?!?!!?

Buffalo Sabres

Why wouldnt the Bruins want to face Buffalo in the first round? The underdog Bruins beat them in the first round last year, defeating eventual Vezina winner Ryan Miller and making the entire city of Buffalo say a few boo hoos.

Bruins have an advantage over Buffalo for multiple reasons. First, Buffalo is so dumb and boring that their players are half asleep by game time.

Second, their coach, fans and players are constantly crying about everything ever that it is super hard for them to see through all their tears. Ryan Miller cant stop goals with all those tears in his eyes and Lindy Ruff cant coach if hes always blowing his nose. Cry babies. Bruins win.

The Mighty Ducks

The Ducks are a team is disarray. Fulton Reed has been suspended the rest of the season for strangling a fan with his bandana, effectively eliminating the potency of the Bash Brothers.

Adam Banks collided with a turnbuckle against Boston last month and may miss the rest of the season. Or watch a movie and come back. Who knows?

Coach Gordon Bombay has been too busy being cocky, buying new suits and taking out girls from Iceland to form an effective game plan. The Ducks are.sitting ducks!

California Seals

They dont exist anymore. A team that doesnt exist is really, really easy to beat.

Though clubbing seals is generally frowned upon so PETA might get on the Bruins if this happens. Oh well.

No matter who the Bruins face, were sure theyll be fine. I mean, theyre due for a championship right? RIGHT?!?!!?