By Jon Fucile
After the fiasco on the water slide where Tom Brady looked like he was terrified going down what looked like a three foot slide, one had to wonder whether or not Brady could possibly be less manly. Weve seen people getting chased by bears that looked less scared than Brady on that water slide.
Then Brady one-upped himself. Or one-downed himself depending on how you look at it. He made a deal with UGG to promote UGGs for men.
Let that sentence sink in for a little bit here: UGGs. For. Men.
Ugh. Notice it doesnt say For Real Men because that would just be false advertising. This ad looks like hes trying to be some kind of cowboy. You know, the type of cowboy that would get the crap kicked out of him if he showed up to a saloon wearing those boots.
No one should ever wear UGGs. Not men, not women and especially not NFL quarterbacks. UGGs are ugly, idiotic footwear that spoiled teenage girls and 40-year old ladies who are pretending theyre still in their early 20s wear. Yeah, it is totally a great idea to wear some fur lined boots in the summer time with your mini skirt that wouldnt fit a 5-year old, you fool.
You look ridiculous.
Brady might as well just grow his hair out, throw on some tight jeans and walk around holding his kid while sporting his new foot wear because if he wants to dress like one of those girls from 16 and Pregnant he might as well play the part, too.
Seriously, Tom, what the hell is wrong with you? You dont need the money that bad. Youre the highest paid quarterback in the NFL and your wife makes millions and millions a year for looking good from the neck down. She probably wants a real man. If you keep wearing UGGs, you do know how this is going to end up dont you?
The ladies love Chad! We polled a couple of other big Boston athletes to get their opinions. Hey Jason Varitek, would you wear UGGs?
Hes about 80 and that is just one of the reasons he wouldnt wear UGGs. How about you, Tim Thomas? Would someone as awesome as you wear something so crappy?
See that, Tom? See?! Real champions dont wear UGGs. Maybe this is why Eli said he's as good as you. Obviously, he isnt as good talent-wise but his Manningface isnt nearly as terrible as those UGGs, Tom.
Eli has to get drunk to watch highlights of himself after games and to get through Tom Brady UGGs ads without waiting to physically harm himself. All we can hope for is that Bill pulls Tom aside and gives him the what-for!
Well forgive you if you win another Super Bowl this year. Maybe.