Brady learns how to party

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Brady learns how to party

By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

Youve heard the complaints before. It has been an ongoing for a few seasons now: Foxboro is too quiet.

Whether the Patriots are winning or losing the crowd at Foxboro is just as quiet as Rogers Arena in Vancouver after a Game Seven in the Stanley Cup finals.

The Patriots play the Chargers Sunday at 4:15pm and Tom Brady has a solution

GET DRUNK!

Brady apparently wants people to start drinking early so they are loud and ready to go by the time the Patriots take the field. Time to get rowdy, New England!

They say lead by example, though, and Brady is kind of a lame guy. He gets scared on water slides, he wears a pony tail like a 70year old hippie and he wears lady shoes. How can he encourage Patriots fans to party if he doesnt know how to party himself? As fate would have it, a chance encounter with the perfect teacher started him on the right path.

Brady was out walking one of his weird faced girlfriends dogs wearing his hideous UGGs.

That is when the one man party decided to literally slap some sense into Tom Brady.

After 45 minutes of intense sobbing, Brady BEGGED Brad Marchand to teach him how to party. Brad was too busy looking at his abs in the mirror and just said yes to get Tom to shut up.

Brad and a terrified Tom Brady took Brads scooter, a gift from Andrew Ference, downtown to get prepared. The scooter was faster than a water slide and Brady crapped his pants.

They set up training camp on Boston Common and quickly went to work. Marchand did his best to not only turn Brady into a man, but into one lean, mean party machine!

After Brad felt Tom could sufficiently hold his liquor they moved onto the most important aspect of partying. There aint no party like a no shirts party!

They partied with no shirts into the wee hours of the morning as media members around Boston made way too big of a deal about it. Apparently, professional athletes are not allowed to have good, clean, drunken, shirtless fun like the rest of us.

Brad even helped Tom make an inspirational commercial to encourage people to get down and funky. Marchand wanted to make sure the Foxboro crowd was super rowdy!

Brady was so pumped that he and Brad went straight to Foxboro to start partying. Theyre raging on in the parking lot. It is only a matter of time before the shirts come off. So be loud Sunday, Patriots fans. Dont make Brads lessons go to waste.

Thursday's Patriots-Bills practice report: No changes for Pats

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Thursday's Patriots-Bills practice report: No changes for Pats

Thursday's practice participation report for Sunday's Patriots-Bills game:

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

LIMITED PARTICIPATION
QB Jacoby Brissett (right thumb)
OT Marcus Cannon (calf)
G Jonathan Cooper (foot)
LB Jonathan Freeny (shoulder)
QB Jimmy Garoppolo (shoulder)
TE Rob Gronkowski (hamstring)
LB Dont'a Hightower (knee)
CB Eric Rowe (ankle)

BUFFALO BILLS

DID NOT PARTICIPATE
OL Cyrus Kouandjio (ankle)
OL Patrick Lewis (knee)
DB Jonathan Meeks (foot)
WR Greg Salas (groin)
WR Sammy Watkins (foot)

LIMITED PARTICIPATION
DB Colt Anderson (foot)
TE Charles Clay (knee)
DB Ronald Darby (hamstring)
OL Cordy Glenn (ankle)
QB Cardale Jones (right shoulder)
DB Aaron Williams (ankle)

Thursday’s Red Sox-Yankees lineups: Pedroia sits, Owens on mound

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Thursday’s Red Sox-Yankees lineups: Pedroia sits, Owens on mound

The day after clinching the A.L. East title despite a loss, the Red Sox send out a semi-makeshift lineup Thursday night as they look to avoid a three-game sweep by the Yankees in the Bronx. 

Reserve third baseman Aaron Hill is leading off, Dustin Pedroia gets the night off, Deven Marrero starts at second base, and David Ortiz is, somewhat surprisingly, back in there at DH against left-hander C.C. Sabbathia (8-12, 4.02 ERA).

Left-hander Henry Owens (0-1, 7.79) gets the start for the Red Sox in place of Drew Pomeranz, who is bothered by tightness in his left forearm and will work out of the bullpen, if at all, for the final four games of the regular season.

The lineups:

RED SOX

Aaron Hill 3B

Andrew Benintendi LF

Xander Bogaerts SS

David Ortiz DH

Chris Young RF

Jackie Bradley Jr. CF

Ryan Hanigan C

Travis Shaw 1B

Deven Marrero 2B

Henry Owens LHP

 

YANKEES

Brett Gardner LF

Jacoby Ellsbury CF 

Gary Sanchez DH

Starlin Castro 2B

Didi Gregorius SS

Chase Headley 3B

Brian McCann C

Aaron Hicks RF

Tyler Austin 1B

C.C. Sabathia LHP