Better things to do with Dice-K's millions

Better things to do with Dice-K's millions
May 25, 2011, 1:19 pm
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By Jon Fucile
WickedGoodSports.com

Try not to be shocked, but Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka (for you Pink Hats out there, were talking about Dice-K) is injured again but this time it might be serious.

Dice-K has been diagnosed with a sprained ulnar collateral ligament and strained flexor. For those of you who never watched George Clooney in his prime on E.R. let us help you.

There is concern that he may need season ending Tommy John surgery if rehab fails which is music to many Red Sox fans ears seeing as how Dice-K switches back and forth and between completely average and really, really awful. Right now hes in Japan to meet with the countrys finest doctors and get a second opinion.

Dice-K did have that one 18-win season but overall the Sox have fallen well short of getting a good return on their 103 million dollar investment (including 51 million just to talk to him). This season hes making roughly 10 million.

If his season does end that will just be another 10 million down the tubes for Boston though even if he played it would not have been money well spent anyway. One has to wonder if the Red Sox are wondering if there are better ways they could be spending that money.Dont worry Red Sox, well help you out.

You could rebuild him and give Dice-K a bionic elbow, making him the first pitcher ever to throw over 200mph and give elbow drops to base runners. Steve Austin will have nothing on him!

If you guys do not want to spend a lot of money you could just have Dusty Rhodes train him to give bionic elbows.

You could spend that money and turn Dice-K into some kind of evil genius and make him literally earn his paycheck.

Do us a favor though and make sure his cat has hair. Those hairless cats are just creepy.

If you wanted to have a little fun, you could take the money you would have paid Dice-K and build a silly statue out of gold and diamonds outside Fenway!

Beautiful. Though it does look like something youd get from a Michael Jackson estate auction.

For the price of one Dice-K, you could build an army of Shawn Thorntons.

The Red Sox would win every game for the rest of the season without the Thorntons swinging a single bat. Just look at the death stare.

The best option for the Red Sox is probably to just skip a step and flush buckets of money down the toilet.

That is pretty much what you are doing anyone, right Theo? This is what happens when you go after a player just to beat out the Yankees.