Barry Bonds is back!


Barry Bonds is back!

BY Jon Fucile

So youre at work, perusing some sport sites to avoid work at all costs when a headline catches your eye.

Barry Bonds due in court.

Wait what? Really!?

Barry Bonds is back in the news. Yup. Barry Bonds. You know, that guy that refused he did steroids even though there's a ton of evidence pointing the other way.

You see, Bonds is due back in court on multiple charges, including perjury. Yeah, instead of spending that time and money going after drug dealers or child molesters or buying a new ping pong table, the government is spending money charging Bonds for lying about steroids. If they were going to charge every baseball player that lied about doing steroids they'd be charging about 95 of players that played in the 90s.

Unfortunately for Bonds he told his lies before Congress and now they're super mad at him. I'm sure putting Bonds behind bars where he can't hurt anyone with his hurtful untruths will sure show him! They must be really bored in Washington D.C. if they're still wasting time with this.

Politicians lie before congress every day so it is kind of hypocritical of them to get all bitter and angry about Barry, but isnt that what congress is all about? Should be an entertaining trial!

Here's how we see it going down....

Stupid lawyer: Your honor, Barry Bands is a stupid dummy liar pants!

Judge: Obviously. Why are you wasting my time with this?

Stupid lawyer: Let me show you and the jury here some evidence your honor

Judge: No really, that isnt necessary were just wasting time and money here he obvio.

Judge: Definitely more muscle tone than Oprah, but I see your point. Can we just stop this now and.

Stupid lawyer: Id like to call a witness! I have some dude who worked with the Giants and has photographic evidence of how Bonds would inject steroids before every game!

Judge: Keep talking, Im just going to play some Xbox

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Steroid Expert, please show the court the pictures you took of Bonds in the Giants clubhouse.

Mr. Steroid Expert: As you can see here, Barry strapped a small device to his back that would pump heavy doses of steroids directly into his blood stream.

Stupid lawyer: And how would Barry react after using the machine?

Mr. Steroid Expert: Well first hed hit 7-12 homeruns and then.well, hed fly into a rage and destroy down town San Francisco. My assistant will play the video.

Judge: That just looks like a scene from Godzil.

Stupid lawyer: I know! Bonds is a monster! Id now like to call Liar McLiarpants to the stand!

Liar Mc Barry Bonds: Hey guys, what is going on? Sorry Im late, I had trouble fitting my head through the courtroom doors.

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Bonds, is it true youre an awful, awful cheater whose records should be stricken from the books and you should be tossed in jail with murderers, bank robbers and other terrible people!?

Barry Bonds: I dont like your tone.

Stupid lawyer: Confess! Confess you big headed jerk! NOW!

Barry Bonds: Youre making me wouldnt like me when Im angry.


Wow that ended poorly.

Felger on Ortiz: ‘He keeps passing the tests’


Felger on Ortiz: ‘He keeps passing the tests’

Major League Baseball is reportedly set to release more PED testing results, but Mike Felger is growing increasingly more confident in the fact that David Ortiz is clean. He's passing all the tests, isn't he?

Caserio: Wasn't the plan to aquire 2017 4th-rounder for Deflategate


Caserio: Wasn't the plan to aquire 2017 4th-rounder for Deflategate

When the Patriots walked away from last weekend's draft, they did so with an extra fourth round pick to be used in 2017. That was especially noteworthy given that the Patriots will be docked a fourth-rounder next year as part of the Deflategate punishment handed down to the team by the league. 

But when Patriots director of player personnel Nick Caserio joined Sirius XM's "Move the Chains" program this week, he said they weren't dead-set on grabbing an extra fourth-rounder for next year. 

"Not necessarily," Caserio explained. "When you get into the draft, you're not really sure how it's going to unfold. You go into the process, you get yourselves prepared to pick whenever you're going to pick."

The Patriots traded down twice and up once during the three-day draft process. On Day 2, they traded the No. 61 overall pick to the Saints in exchange for picks No. 78 and No. 112, which turned into North Carolina State guard Joe Thuney and Georgia receiver Malcolm Mitchell, respectively.

On Day 3, Caserio and Bill Belichick made two more deals. First, they dealt two sixth-rounders (No. 196 and No. 204) and a seventh-rounder (No. 250) to Miami for the Dolphins' fifth-rounder (No. 147). Then the No. 147 overall selection was flipped to the Seahawks, along with No. 243, in exchange for No. 225 and a fourth-rounder in 2017. The Patriots eventually spent No. 225 on Arizona State receiver Devin Lucien.

"I don't think anybody had a master plan, like, 'This is how it's going to go,' " Caserio said. "I think you look at the draft, and you kind of assess where you are relative to the players you're going to pick. If you feel it makes sense to make a trade, then you go ahead and do it. If you don't, then you go ahead and pick.

"Like, we were prepared to pick there with that fifth-round pick [at No. 147] that we ended up moving. But the way it worked out, like, I don't any of us would've said going to the draft, like, 'This is how we think it's going to go.' "

The league's punishment for Deflategate states that the Patriots will lose the higher of their two selections in the fourth round for next year so it's unclear as to whether it will be their own fourth-rounder or Seattle's that will be erased. Either way, at least now they are scheduled to pick in the fourth round in 2017, whereas before the Seahawks deal they were not.