Barry Bonds is back!


Barry Bonds is back!

BY Jon Fucile

So youre at work, perusing some sport sites to avoid work at all costs when a headline catches your eye.

Barry Bonds due in court.

Wait what? Really!?

Barry Bonds is back in the news. Yup. Barry Bonds. You know, that guy that refused he did steroids even though there's a ton of evidence pointing the other way.

You see, Bonds is due back in court on multiple charges, including perjury. Yeah, instead of spending that time and money going after drug dealers or child molesters or buying a new ping pong table, the government is spending money charging Bonds for lying about steroids. If they were going to charge every baseball player that lied about doing steroids they'd be charging about 95 of players that played in the 90s.

Unfortunately for Bonds he told his lies before Congress and now they're super mad at him. I'm sure putting Bonds behind bars where he can't hurt anyone with his hurtful untruths will sure show him! They must be really bored in Washington D.C. if they're still wasting time with this.

Politicians lie before congress every day so it is kind of hypocritical of them to get all bitter and angry about Barry, but isnt that what congress is all about? Should be an entertaining trial!

Here's how we see it going down....

Stupid lawyer: Your honor, Barry Bands is a stupid dummy liar pants!

Judge: Obviously. Why are you wasting my time with this?

Stupid lawyer: Let me show you and the jury here some evidence your honor

Judge: No really, that isnt necessary were just wasting time and money here he obvio.

Judge: Definitely more muscle tone than Oprah, but I see your point. Can we just stop this now and.

Stupid lawyer: Id like to call a witness! I have some dude who worked with the Giants and has photographic evidence of how Bonds would inject steroids before every game!

Judge: Keep talking, Im just going to play some Xbox

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Steroid Expert, please show the court the pictures you took of Bonds in the Giants clubhouse.

Mr. Steroid Expert: As you can see here, Barry strapped a small device to his back that would pump heavy doses of steroids directly into his blood stream.

Stupid lawyer: And how would Barry react after using the machine?

Mr. Steroid Expert: Well first hed hit 7-12 homeruns and then.well, hed fly into a rage and destroy down town San Francisco. My assistant will play the video.

Judge: That just looks like a scene from Godzil.

Stupid lawyer: I know! Bonds is a monster! Id now like to call Liar McLiarpants to the stand!

Liar Mc Barry Bonds: Hey guys, what is going on? Sorry Im late, I had trouble fitting my head through the courtroom doors.

Stupid lawyer: Mr. Bonds, is it true youre an awful, awful cheater whose records should be stricken from the books and you should be tossed in jail with murderers, bank robbers and other terrible people!?

Barry Bonds: I dont like your tone.

Stupid lawyer: Confess! Confess you big headed jerk! NOW!

Barry Bonds: Youre making me wouldnt like me when Im angry.


Wow that ended poorly.

Bennett back at practice, but admits injuries hurting his play

Bennett back at practice, but admits injuries hurting his play

FOXBORO -- Martellus Bennett is willing to admit it. 

"Last week was probably my worst game as a Patriot," he told reporters in the locker room on Thursday. "But, you know, you have a bad game here and there. This week, come back grinding, and get ready."

Never was it more clear than on Sunday that Bennett has been hobbled by the injuries he's dealing with. He's coped with an ankle injury since Week 5 in Cleveland that has earned him the respect of his teammates and coaches, but against the Rams it appeared to severely impact his performance. 

He saw four targets and caught two for four yards. As a blocker -- the facet of his game that stood out more than his receiving ability early this season -- he was called for two holds and had difficulty keeping his assignments in check, both in the run game and in pass protection. 

Asked if he may benefit from a week off, Bennett said he planned to continue to play.

"I never thought about that. I just keep going," he said. "I'm like the energizer bunny. I just try to find a way. Sometimes it's [expletive] when you're out there playing with different injuries. You can't do a lot of things that you want to do. You have [expletive] plays. You might have a string of bad plays in a row just because youre dealing with different things . . . 

"But throughout the game you kind of find a way to get the job done. I think that's the biggest point. It may not be pretty all the time, but try to figure some kind of way to get it done. Sometimes it's adjusting as the game goes on."

He added: "The thing about this sport is it's always something. You never go throuigh a season without having some kind of nick or tear, but there's a lot of guys playing with different things. But some guys are able to play through different injuries, and [with] some of the same injuries, you see guys around the league . . . go on IR and things like that. But it just depends on the person and their pain tolerance."

Bennett was back at practice Thursday after he wasn't spotted there on Wednesday. He may be helped by the long week leading up to Monday's game against the Ravens. It could mean an extra day of rest and recovery.

Sometimes, he said, it's difficult not to be out there.

"Sometimes. Sometimes it's like, thank God. I needed that today," he said. "It varies each week. . . I'll fight through whatever and I think that's something that my teammates and coaches know about me that I'm going to try to give them everything I got no matter what."

Tim Thomas ranked one of top 40 goalies on very weird list

Tim Thomas ranked one of top 40 goalies on very weird list

The NHL Network is terrific. Its programming is the best of any of the four major sports leagues’ channels, its talent is outstanding and it shows a lot of cool games across various leagues.  

Players mess up though. 

In the network’s recently released ranking of the 40 best goaltenders of all time, the Bruins were well-represented, but so too was insanity. We’re talking Jonathan Quick in the top 20 (No. 16!), Marc-Andre Fleury top 25 (No. 21!) and Corey Crawford top 30 (No. 26!). Those are just a few of the head-scratchers. 

Tim Thomas was one of seven Bruins on the list, coming in at No. 27. Other Bruins ranked were Bernie Parent (No. 12), Frank Brimsek (No. 23), Rogie Vachon (No. 25), Tiny Thompson (No. 28), Gerry Cheevers (No. 29), Andy Moog (No. 36). Here's the full list, per Mark Lazerus. 

Statistically, Tuukka Rask deserves a place on this list if Fleury and Crawford are going to be that high, but we’ll save the Rask arguments for literally every other second of my life. 

[OK, real quick: Rask has the highest career save percentage of all time. Quick sits No. 17 and Fleury is 32nd. This doesn’t need to be completely statistics based, but it also shouldn’t be completely how-many-Cup-teams-were-on-based. Honestly, I can’t tell what this list is based on at all. Like Cristobal Huet had a better career save percentage than Fleury has.]

Anyway, everyone else hated the list, too.