Are you ready for CSN4D?

Are you ready for CSN4D?
March 3, 2011, 3:25 pm
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By Justin Aucoin

Last year, ESPN launched its millionth TV station with ESPN 3D which is exactly what it sounds like watching sports while wearing 3D glasses.

There are two crimes here:

1) They launch their millionth station and still no ESPN Ocho? Lame.

2) 3D sucks. No two ways around it. We never got the point of sitting on the couch and pretending like objects are going to actually hit you in the face. You might as well go outside and play a sport and have things actually hit you in the face. Live a little.

And that got us over at the office thinking. What if we could combine Americas love for sitting on their rears while letting them truly experience what its like to be a professional athlete?

But how could we create such an invention? Surely the technology was centuries away. Hell, our computers are just now getting gyroscopes!

We refused to be discouraged. We kidnapped gathered the greatest minds in science.

We locked them in a room and made them do science.

And after a painstaking year of trial-and-error we had finally done it. We invented:

What is CSN4D you ask?

Its the latest and most trendy technology in sports entertainment television. Not only do you get to watch the game in super-extreme high definition cable and not only does it look like the balls are flying right out at you, but they actually do!!!

Thats right. Balls, pucks, fists and anything else your favorite athlete experiences in the game, you do too!

Imagine, a Zdeno Chara slapshot flying out of your TV at over 105 MPH

Uh-oh! Better bring a helmet!

Feel the gentle breeze as David Ortiz hits another homerun over the Green Monster

CSN4D is out of the park!

Actually grab Tom Bradys ass before the snap

Now thats what we call a quarterback sneak!

Punch your least favorite NHL star during the next line brawl!

Its a hit!

Truly feel like youre part of the game with the advanced and not unnecessary technology of CSN4D!

The possibilities are endless with CSN4D! Get yours today!

Not available everywhere. CSN and its affiliates are not responsible for injuries sustained while viewing CSN4D or lawsuits brought to any user for fondling or assaulting athletes during, before or after the game while using CSN4D. CSN4D is not suitable for children under 10 or pregnant women. Consult your doctor before using CSN4D and remember, drink responsibly.