By Justin Aucoin
Not gonna lie we miss the Winter Olympics.
We miss the speed skating, the Lindsey Vonn SI controversy, Olympic hockey and, yes, even curling.
So you can imagine our excitement we the 2014 Winter Olympic Mascots were announced. But after seeing the mascot finalists for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Russia, one wonders how we could possibly come up with funnier batch of mascots.
Honestly, where does one go when Russias finalists are Santa Claus, an Angry Bird and Charlie the Tuna?
Excellent question. Lets find out.
Here are some of our favorite rejected Russian Winter Olympic mascot nominees:
Mother Russia loved Uncle Lenin so much they even preserved his body for all to see. Sadly, we dont think the rest of the world would appreciate Pickled Lenin as an Olympic Mascot.
A bottle of Vodka
The official drink of the Old Country, the Olympic Committee was afraid that the populace would assault the mascot to drink his sweet, sweet nectar. Wed be right in line for a free shot (see what we did there?)
Russian Nesting Dolls
What do you mean it actually made it as a finalist?
Mr. White ChristmasSnowIcicleTen Below was already booked as a grounds keeper for the games.
This is why Russia lost the Cold War they were too busy training bears to play hockey than worrying about things like the economy.
Side note: Someone have Chiarelli call these guys up not many would dare try to dance through a defense that will maul and eat you.
Many thought the first dog to be launched into outer space wouldve made for the perfect Olympic Mascot until Russian officials found out, the hard way, that little children typically arent fond of dead pets.
Poor puppy; at least the Russians built a monument to Laika.
Soda-P was a heavy favorite to be the official spokesperson of the Sochi Games until he tragically died of diabetes in July 10.
Bummer. He couldve been a champ; couldve been a contender.
There you have, eight mascot rejects. Which is your fave?