11 New Year's resolutions in the sports world for 2011

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11 New Year's resolutions in the sports world for 2011

By Mary Paoletti and Adam Hart
CSNNE.com

Here are the sports world resolutions that were told to Wicked Good Sports on this New Year's Eve day. Enjoy the holiday, everyone!

BRETT FAVRE
I'm really retiring this year guys. For real. Honest. But that's not my resolution. My resolution is I'll be purchasing the local NBC affiliate near Hattiesburg, Mississippi. The call letters will now be WDBDT (What Did Brett Do Today?). Charmed the FCC into letting me have five letters. Does that impress you Miss Reporter Lady? . . . No?

Anyway, the local six p.m. newscast'll be thirty minutes of the most-interesting TV in the country:

Brett Favre has set the record for most uninterrupted time on a ride-on mower, spending eight hours on Bessy today -- WDBDT caught up with him . . .Brett Favre has declared today State Quarterback Day; Mississippi residents are asked to honor the quarterback in their lives by preparing a bounty of text messages . . .Brett Favre threw passes at Oak Grove High School today, but he seemed wishy-washy on if this means he'll be returning to the NFL for yet another amazing season . . .

It's a rule every sentence must start with "Brett Favre." Knew that'd put a smile on your face.

UCONN WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM
Geno Auriemma, here, speaking on behalf of the most dominant women's college program of all time. Our team resolution is to never lose again. Ever. Stanford did end our record 90-game win streak on Thursday night, but like I said, I'm not destroyed about it. Why? Because winning that many games in a row is ridiculous. It was getting so crazy that I decided to let the Cardinals win the game. I was actually getting bored with winning all the time.

None of you probably noticed but during games I was usually reciting the Italian alphabet in my head or trying to think of new ways to make my chicken parm more exciting and flavorful. Letting Stanford end the greatest win streak in not-men's sports was the kick in the ass I needed to wake up and get back to coaching, know what I mean? I'm going to make the girls clean every toilet on campus on New Years Eve and then we're going to start working on being boringly awesome again. Salud!
BUD SELIG
Since my contract runs out after 2012, I need to lay the groundwork for tricking MLB owners into giving me another extension. I will be the first MLB Commissioner to commission from beyond the grave -- it's inevitable . . . Eeeexxccellent.

TOM BRADY
A 13-2 team. Setting records on a weekly basis. Supermodel wife. I've got to take a step back, and that's what I'm looking to do in 2011. Maybe tone it down to 50 charitable events, no new genetically perfect children and put a hard cap on how many dogs in New England can be named Brady; let's sprinkle some Bennys, Deions and Logans in there. Oh, and I swear I'm only saving 15 cats from trees this year. I don't like it anymore than you, but one man can only do so much.

RANDY MOSS
In 2011 I'll shed these loser teams and rejoin the Patriots. Don't get it twisted, this ain't me crawling back like a dog. Sure, I miss 'em -- especially Woody. But they'll be begging me to come back; you know Deion Branch can't hold the Earf on his shoulders.

TIGER WOODS
Good afternoon. And thank you for joining me as I make my New Year's resolution public. Many of you reading this probably hate me. Many of you reading this don't actually know me. Many of you have booed me, or made fun of me, a few have begged, "Tell me how to get mad booty!", and now, every one of you has good reason to listen to me now and blog about it later. I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply loving being single and will never get married again.

I know people want to find out how I could be so amazing at picking up chicks. People want to know how I could have gotten tied down with Elin and been father to some children when I could be raiding the world of the hottest women out there. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say. So Nike and I have put together an instructional video, called "The Art of Macking: How I Get it Done." It is my resolution to get even more dollars and even more ladies in 2011. And some golf stuff, I guess. Watch me now!

LEBRON JAMES
BronBron's resolution for 2011? To un-contract my full basketball potential. I feel that the The Decision contracted my attention on The Game of Basketball. I need to fix that. While me, Bosh and D-Wade have started de-contracting people's expectations for the Miami Heat already, we still have a ways to go. This is why I plan to work even harder in the new year at contracting distractions, embracing the non-contraction of our new team chemistry, and stop fighting the contractualization of my supporters. Haters only gon' make me better. Contraction.

MICHAEL VICK
I will not get violent retribution on a bowtie-less Tucker Carlson, who said on TV I should have been executed for dog fighting. I am totally reformed and in no way will chain Tucker Carlson to a fence without food and water. I certainly will not beat Tucker Carlson with a switch for losing a fight saying those things about me. I am reformed in 2010, and 2011 will be no different.

THE VUVUZELA
BZZZZZZZZZZ! Naw, I'm just kiddin'. Life has been interesting since the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. I've certainly gotten a lot of attention since then but it's been something of a mixed bag. Is it good that a wave of vuvuzela awareness has spread across the world? Absolutely. Is the criticism sometimes a little hard on my plastic soul, though? Yes, it is. A couple bans cropped up.... (All sporting events at the Cardiff City, SWALEC and Millennium Stadiums, Wimbledon, Melbourne Cricket Ground, Yankee Stadium, Fuji Rock Festival, Southeastern Conference of NCAA sports, UFC events, Gaelic Athletic Association events, 2010 Little League World Series, UEFA -- including all Champions League, Europa League and Euro 2012 events-- 2011 Rugby World Cup, Atlanta Thrashers home games, Kontinental Hockey League, 2010 FIBA World Championship and other hoops tourneys from then on, the entire NFL).

Yeah. That was a bit of a dark period for me. The Gaelic Athletic Association thing was particularly tough because my Ma's Scottish. But I'm resolving to keep positive. Here's to 2011 -- The Year of the Vuvuzela!

REX RYAN
Look, I've got nothing to apologize for. I like feet. Is that a crime? I defy you to say my wife's toes aren't the hottest toes you've ever seen in your life. I mean, look at the pedicure! . . . I'm getting all flustered. This better not ruin snack time.

That's how you do a revolution sic, right?

STEVEN STAMKOS
Resolution? Man, I don't know. Can I resolve to be any more awesome? I guess, but I'm pretty amazing as it is. Ho'! Don't you take that for cockiness. It's just stating facts. Here I am, an NHL phenom at 20 years old. My 31 goals and 56 points might sit behind Crosby's on the offensive leaders chart (32G, 65P), but he's barely ahead, and with three years of life on me!

Plus, I'm taller. Everybody knows that tall people are more successful in life and produce better babies. Oh, and Crosby shoots lefty. Lefties think they're special but that's just a lie parents tell them so they don't realize that they're actually weird social outcasts. So maybe I'll resolve to be nicer to Sid because he's gotta be hurting today. While his point streak ends and he has to part with that dirty filthstache of his, I'm doing stuff like this:

Hogan on facing his ex-Bills teammates: ‘Like it’s any other game’

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Hogan on facing his ex-Bills teammates: ‘Like it’s any other game’

FOXBORO – Sunday isn’t some “I’ll show them!” game for Chris Hogan. The Buffalo Bills didn’t give up on Hogan last March. They just weren’t going to extend themselves financially the way the Patriots did.

Hogan, a restricted free agent, was lured to New England by the team’s three-year, $12 million contract offer that had $7.5 million guaranteed. Buffalo, which had no cap space, made it clear before the deadline to match the Patriots offer even expired that they couldn’t keep Hogan.

So now, Buffalo enters Sunday’s game without injured wideouts Sammy Watkins and Greg Salas and must resign itself to watching Hogan run around as an opponent.

“I’m just preparing for the game just like it’s any other game,” Hogan said Friday when asked about the matchup. “[Division] opponent so it’s a big game for us. They’re going to come in here pretty excited. There’s going to be a lot of intensity out there.

“Those guys [the Bills] are all my friends still, but we’re playing a game now,” said Hogan. “Once that whistle blows, 60 minutes, I’m going to be playing football. Afterwards we can talk and do all that. My focus is on doing my job and taking advantage of all my opportunities on Sunday.”

Earlier this week, Rex Ryan spoke glowingly of Hogan, who has eight catches for 122 yards and a touchdown so far.

“It was definitely tough to lose him,” Ryan said Wednesday on a conference call. “We didn’t want to. The thing about Chris is he’s a tough guy, he’s a good receiver and things, but the thing that also impressed me is this guy, he did everything that was asked of him. From being a special-teams player and obviously being a wideout, being in the slot, being outside.”

Hogan has eight catches for 122 yards and a touchdown so far.

“It doesn’t surprise me the type of success he’s having, because he’s really a good football player,” said Ryan. “And when you look at him as an athlete, here’s a big-time lacrosse player who then decides he’s going to play one year of football [in college] and now is in the National Football League. He’s a pretty special talent.”

Hogan acknowledged Ryan’s praise, saying, “Anytime someone pays you a compliment, as a head coach in this league, you obviously take that. That meant a lot to me, especially coming from him. I will be forever grateful to them, that organization. They gave me my first chance. That’s where I really kind of made my, started my career. I was there for four years. I established a lot of relationships with those guys and to this day still do. I will always look back on my career and that’s where I started.”

Bruins looking forward to getting World Cup teammates, coach back

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Bruins looking forward to getting World Cup teammates, coach back

BRIGHTON, Mass. – With the World Cup of Hockey and Team Canada crowned as champions, the final few Bruins players involved in the international hockey tournament will be filtering back into regular training camp.

It was a brilliant tourney for Brad Marchand and Patrice Bergeron, especially while forming the World Cup’s best forward line with Sidney Crosby. Marchand was one of the leading scorers and had the clutch game-winner in the decisive game.

As a line they combined for a ridiculous 25 points in six games and it was Marchand who scored a couple of the biggest goals in the biggest games against Russia and Team Europe.

“They did it all of last season for us, so I’m not shocked. They played well throughout the entire time they played there, so I’m really happy for them,” said Ryan Spooner. “It’s been kind of a weird camp. We’ve been missing a lot of guys, and to get all of those guys back is huge. They’re the leaders of the team, so to get them back is good.

“Marchand around the room is a funny guy, so he’s definitely missed. We miss them all.”

Zdeno Chara was a force for the surprising rag-tag group of players on Team Europe and led them to the best-of-three final series against Team Canada. Now that it’s over, the B’s teammates are looking forward to all three joining fellow World Cup participants Tuukka Rask, David Pastrnak and David Backes at camp probably at some point next week.

“It does [feel like training camp], but it will be nice to get those guys back,” said Adam McQuaid. “They are big parts of this team. We’re looking forward to having those guys back, for sure.”

That also includes getting their coach, Claude Julien, back as well after missing his presence while he served behind the Canadian bench with Mike Babcock and Barry Trotz. He’ll be rejoining the Bruins over the next couple of days, and getting through preseason road games against Detroit and Philadelphia before making some tough decisions on cuts at main training camp.

That’s when things will officially start getting back to normal for a training camp that’s felt like something was a little missing over the first few weeks of getting ready for the season.