All the Tostitos: A fairy tale

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All the Tostitos: A fairy tale

By Adam HartCSNNE.comThe following is the dramatized story of the Fiesta Bowl president and CEO who was fired for allegedly using bowl monies for extravagances and illegal campaign contributions. If only someone was there to tell the Madoff scam in fairy-tale form.Once upon a time a man got a job as a promoter for a bowl; a bowl so glorious onlookers came from across the countryside to view it. His name was Junker, and my he was good. As time grew, his work carried him up a tall ladder -- literally -- where he was charged with protecting the beautiful bowl. His new responsibility was a source of great pride for his family.Soon it became a source of something else, something tangibly better. Junker discovered this bowl contained money -- lots of money. Since few even knew that bowl atop the tall ladder held anything more than aesthetics, taking a small amount wouldn't hurt anyone. So he did just that.Junker promised himself he would only take money for the sake of the bowl. His hands first dipped into the bowl at a time of great anguish. For it became known those pilgrims flocking to witness the bowl also flocked to somehow-dangerous local strip clubs. "It is important for us to visit," Junker said to his most-trusted employees. "We certainly will conduct business there."And how. Junker repeated the phrase "This is for all the Tostitos" a dozen times during his trip to the strip club. No security risk was found. The 1,241 was worth it.His hands again dipped into the bowl, this time during great turmoil. Lawmakers were either for or against planting bean stocks to the south to prevent undesirables from visiting. As any good protector of a bowl would, Junker told his most-, semi- and least-trusted employees to make political contributions to the bean stock-backing lawmakers; he then reimbursed them via "bonuses." No undesirables saw the bowl. The 46,539 in "bonuses" was worth it.Junker's hands dipped into the bowl a third time. He was turning 50, which isn't all that old in the world of fairy tales. But he needed to throw himself a birthday party, anyway. Though some claim it had "absolutely no business purpose," the party allowed Junker to ease his mind. For a tense mind could lead to a dropped bowl, the very disaster against which he was hired to protect. The precious bowl did not fall from atop the ladder. The 30,000 was worth it.But one day the trustees of the bowl -- the mean old people who hired Junker -- showed up at the base of the ladder. They knew about the money in the bowl. Junker nervously looked down from atop the ladder, as the trustees climbed rung-by-rung. When they reached the top, they saw a sizeable amount of money was missing. Junker was fired. Ashamed, he descended down the ladder he once worked so hard to climb. He was instructed to never again witness the magic of the bowl in person. Junker, who took advantage of the bowl and those who made it shine, became an undesirable. A true undesirable.

Morning Skate: No surprise cheap-shot artists are running wild

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Morning Skate: No surprise cheap-shot artists are running wild

Here are all the links from around the hockey world, and what I’m reading while hoping everybody on this Memorial Day takes some time to appreciate all of those that made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedom. We should also take a moment to say thanks to people like the three heroes in Oregon that stood up to a hateful bigot earlier this week, and in doing so reaffirmed what the majority of people living in the US believe we are all about while trying to live up to that ideal every day.
 
-- A number of NHL legends are shaking their heads at the dirty play that we’re seeing in these playoffs, particularly those plays targeting the superstars that people pay big money to see in the postseason. Why should anybody be shocked by this? The rooting out of enforcers, and fighting, has taken accountability out of the game for the cheap-shot artists and dirty players, and leaves little real deterrant for players looking to take out opponents with dangerous plays. I wrote about this a couple of years ago when the NHL threw the book at Shawn Thornton for going after Brooks Orpik, and in doing so chose to protect somebody trying to hurt opponents (Orpik) and punish somebody trying to protect his teammates (Thornton). It was a sea change for the league, and something players didn’t forget as more and more enforcers were quickly weeded out of the NHL. This is what the rule-makers and legislators wanted, and now it’s what they’re getting just a couple of years later with dangerous stick-work, cheap shots and a general lack of respect for fellow players.
 
-- Here's why the Tampa Bay Lightning would consider trading a player like Jonathan Drouin, and the major impact that could have on the offseason trade market.
 
-- Down Goes Brown has a Stanley Cup Final rooting guide for the other 28 other fan bases now that Nashville and Pittsburgh are in the final series.

-- So which goaltender has the edge in the Stanley Cup Final: Nashville's Pekka Rinne, or Pittsburgh's two-headed monster of Matt Murray and Marc-Andre Fleury?
 
-- Scotty Bowman says winning back-to-back Stanley Cup titles has become monumentally difficult since the advent of the salary cap.
 
-- Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin are pushing each other to be betters, and showing exactly how a team should be led by its superstars in the salary-cap era for the league.
 
-- For something completely different: We can confirm through this report that a lot of hot dogs are eaten in the summertime. So glad we have people to research these kinds of things.
 

Third inning: Red Sox 1, White Sox 0

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Third inning: Red Sox 1, White Sox 0

CHICAGO -- David Price came out firing Monday in his first major-league outing since last year's playoffs, striking out the first batter he faced while burning just 14 pitches in a 1-2-3 first inning against the White Sox.

The lefty's elbow had him touching 96 mph on the final pitch of the first inning, which produced an easy groundout to shortstop from first baseman Jose Abreu.

More importantly, the command problems that plagued Price in two outings for Triple-A Pawtucket didn't crop up at the outset.

White Sox leadoff man Tim Anderson swung and missed at a 2-and-2 cutter to start the inning, before Melky Cabrera grounded out to first base with Price covering for the second out.

Price was staked to a 1-0 lead before he threw a pitch.

Mookie Betts' leadoff double against Chicago's David Holmberg gave way to a run thanks to some great Betts base running. He took third base on Dustin Pedroia's ground out and then scored on a foul pop up that Abreu, the first baseman, snagged in foul territory with a basket catch — a rare sacrifice fly to the first baseman.

Click here for the game summary.