High-fives for futility! Pete Carroll edition

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By Jon Fucile
Special contributor to WickedGoodSports.com

The Seattle Seahawks beat the St. Louis Rams on Sunday to capture the NFC West crown, despite their 7-9 record. Yes, the worst division in the NFL had to send someone to the playoffs and the Seahawks won the race of futility, being slightly less awful than a Rams team led by a rookie quarterback.

To put their division in perspective, each team in the NFL plays their divisional opponents twice per season (for a total of six divisional games for those of you bad at math). Seattle won four of their six divisional games and beat Carolina, meaning five of their seven wins came against fairly terrible opponents.

They became the first team in NFL history to make the playoffs with a sub .500 record. Yeah, great, they made the playoffs -- but shouldnt they be at least a little disappointed in themselves?

Nope. The Seahawks are partying like it is 1999!

Perhaps their futility stems from the top. Head Coach Pete Carroll said in an interview that the fact that they were the first losing team to make the playoffs was kind of cool and kind of good. Perhaps even peachy keen!

Being one of the worst teams in football and making the playoffs simply because your division HAD to send someone is not cool or good. It is terrible. But if that is cool and good what other pedestrian accomplishments would be exciting for Pete Carroll?

Pete Carroll recently arranged for his Seahawks to play a 5th grade football team. The Seahawks managed to squeak out a 17-14 victory over the youngsters as Pete Carroll made his team shower him with Gatorade while he gloated in front of the kids.

If there was a zombie apocalypse Pete Carroll would find a way to keep the Seattle Seahawks safe until every other football team was gone. Once his team was the last left alive and there was no competition, he would talk about how awesome it is to be the first team to win the Lombardi Trophy uncontested during the zombie apocalypse.

The Aztec predictions about the end of the world in 2012 are actually about Pete Carroll. He reignites the Cuban Missile Crisis, only worse, and gets every country around the world to fire nuclear missiles but far away enough from Seattle.

Pete then organizes a league of the weak and badly burned and watches the Seahawks run wild on them, often getting out scored but winning by default when the other teams are too weak to continue. He then celebrates up and down the empty streets of the world.

Hed probably wear his USC shirt too to remind him of the last time he actually won something decent. You know, after he paid all those kids to join his team.

Pete Carroll is also know to brag about out living the dinosaurs, winning more BCS games than Jesus, coaching more NFL games than Phil Jackson and being smarter than George Bush.

Hey Pete, show us that face you make when you watch tapes of your finest NFL coaching moments.

Thanks Pete. Hey, how about that book you wrote. What was it called again?

Live like a Champion by being proud of having a losing record.

Work like a Champion by only getting into the playoffs because of NFL rules, despite the fact that teams with better records and better teams are staying home in January.

Play like a Champion but not if youre playing for Seattle.

We heard he even celebrates with other people who got things they didnt win or didnt really earn.

Win forever. Until you get to the NFL, eh Petey?

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